Nobody could possibly be interested in this...

...but bollocks to you all, this is my blog. I've taken to annotating my chess games, principally because it makes me feel clever, and I've decided to post one here.

The trouble with online chess is that nobody has balls. At my level (pretty low), we all play insipid Spanish, or worse, Italien games almost automatically. This is because we can't really play. An analagy I might give is music. Learning chess is a lot like learning music. I know that if I have a guitar, the tone of the plucked string will change in relation to the length of the string as adjusted by the placement of my finger. I know the 'rules' of the guitar. But I can't play. Similarly, you may know the rules of chess, ie, which pieces can move where and capture what, but you can not play. Extending this pleasing metaphor further, the casual guitarist may know a few chords after a couple of months practice, maybe the odd tune (Stairway to Heavan, for example). The chess playing novice has figured out equally shallow patterns. He knows that if he playes 1. e4, his King's Bishop and Queen will have avenues of development. Again, this is not playing. The Italien Game of 1. e4 e5 2. Nf3 Nc6 3. Bc4 (also known as the Giuoco Piano, or 'Quiet Game') is the Stairway to Heavan of chess, fulfilling such basic precepts that it is regarded, rightly, with derision. Its threats are so simple and ungentlemanly, and so dull, that it is almost never seen at competition level. The Spanish Game (1. e4 e5 2Nf3 Nc6 3. Bb5, also know as the Ruy Lopez after the Spanish Bishop that first studied it) is far more respectable, frequently played at the highest level. It is, however, endlessly thrashed out at the lowest level, by patzers like me who see only simplistic development and one indecisive pin. To take the music metaphor to its final, tiresome conclusion, I have been playing one chord. For three years. The following game is the best game I have played in this new frame of mind. My recent online replies to 1. e4 have been the mercurial ...c5, the opening response of The Sicilian.

This game, however, was not against human opposition. It is against 'Little Chess Partner', a java based chess engine hosted by http://www.chessgames.com/. It's relatively strong, as these things go. The information given is that on a fast computer it may achieve a rating equivalent of ELO2000 or more. The computers we have at work are brand new, pentium type machines that seem to perform rather well, so I know the engine is running on a strong system. Needless to say, I've never managed to beat the damn thing, until now. The game below is a repeat I've been playing over and over again. Playing as black, and replying 1. e4 c5, the engine calculates what it thinks are the strongest moves available, and so, to a limited degree, is predictable. Thus after nine moves, a position is reached that I've been arriving at regularly, and I've finally cracked it. After delivering checkmate, I lept from my office chair, punched the air in victory and delivered a tirade of triumphant expletives loudly and abundantly. Fortunately, it was a night shift and the office was empty. What a fantastic way to spend your time at work. Incidentally, I shall use my internet chess username here, as it has a handsome ring to it. To the game:

Little Chess Partner vs. Errant Deeds

1. e4 c5

2. Nc3 Nc6

My chess emulator is assuring me that this is the B23 - Sicilian: closed (with 2...Nc6).

3. Nf3 d6

4. Bb5 Bd7

5. 0-0 Nf6

6. Bc4 g6

7. d3 Bg7

8. Be3? 0-0

9. a4 Qc8

I've reached this position maybe six or seven times now when playing Little Chess Partner. The problem has been cracking it. I'll give a brief review of the position. Firstly, The position is very closed, and my avenues of attack are limited. However, I've been wondering about something that felt slightly innaccurate in my opponent's play. The double movement of the Light Squared bishop feels wrong, and White's position after 6. Bc4 has an air of passivity to it. After I have played 3...d6, the purpose of which is to prevent the advance of the e-pawn and allow a safe fianchetto on the kingside, white playes 4. Bb5, pinning my Knight to my King. My response 4...Bd7 is intended to break the pin and not risk my Queenside Pawn structure should white elect to capture my Knight. White now sensibly castles, which, although never a bad thing, obviously surrenders a tempo. I now start to build my fianchetto, with 5...Nf6, which has interesting consequences. White's response of 6. Bc4 is intended to indirectly threaten my King's rook. White can follow this up with placing his Knight on g5, which has happened on a couple of occasions. He then capture the pawn at f7 with check, leaving a bishop that must be captured by the King's Rook, which is subsequently taken by the Knight, which then falls to the King. White has thus spent a Bishop and a Knight for a Rook and a Pawn, but has also done significant damage to the Kingside Pawn Structure. Fortunately, such an outcome was averted.

Usually, white now starts a Queenside attack, in this case with 9. a4. My failed attempts at playing this opening previously have centred around responding in kind, for example with ...Nb4 or Qa5. There's no way through though, so I stuck to trying to make something happen on the Kingside, getting my Queen into line with 9...Qc8. White's response then gave me an idea, and leaving the chessboard sitting quietly on my screen while I did other things, I took a full three hours to respond.

10. h3 Nh5

11. g4 Nf6

12. Re1 Nd4!

White has played 10. h3 to prevent black pinning the White Knight to the Queen. This turns out to be a strategic error, and I realised the benefit to black of teasing out the white Kingside pawns. The wisdom of doing this becomes apparent in a couple more moves. To complete the process, the Knight popping over to h5 provokes an ultimately fatal advance of the g-pawn. After a simple retreat, White seems blissfully unaware of the imminent danger, and plays what I assume is just a developing move with the rook. Then, I play the move that makes it all happen. I've reviewed this game a lot, as I was so happy with the win. I felt I'd finally cracked it, I'd been genuinely creative on a chessboard. A real player may look at this and not be impressed, but this felt like an achievement. 12...Nd4 may just be the finest move I have ever played. It's the first of an elegant duo of sacrifices that smashes the White fortress to rubble.

13. Nxd4 cxd4

14. Bxd4 Nxg4!

The lost pawn has winning compensation. Rather than retake the bishop with my own, I hang my Knight. Dare white take it? No! His Bishop would be lost. So he takes the only action that seems reasonable and takes the bishop on g7, threatening the King's Rook. However, the retake by the King can be handsomely delayed with a marvellous Knight Sacrifice.

15. Bxg7 Nxf2!

16. Kxf2 Kxg7

The white King must capture the Knight, or his Queen will fall. The Black King then consumes White's ailing cleric. White is now material up, having captured two Knights, a Bishop and a Pawn for two Pawns, a Knight and a Bishop, but the sacrifice was a winning one. Material disadvantages are temporal, if properly accepted.

17. h4 f5!

Preparing a rook advance that is inevitable, as the f-pawn must be captured.

18. exf5 Rxf5+

19. Kg3 Qf8

20. d4 Rc8

The purpose of 20...Rc8 is to facilitate the creation of 'Alekhine's Gun', a vertical battery of Queen-Rook-Rook, in this case on the g-file. The white Bishop prevents the Black Queen from advancing to f7, but f6 is also off limits, as White could play Nd5 and drive the queen back. Fortunately for Black, the White Bishop is undefended. Moving the Rook to C8 forces it to retreat, freeing the f7 square for the Queen. Note that Black could retreat the Bishop to b3 and still retain its defensive effectiveness. My computer opponent appears to blunder, a 'strategic' blunder perhaps, and moves the Bishop to c4. As the black Bishop on d7 is no longer needed, the two can be swapped from the board, leaving the f7 clear for the Queen.

21. Bb5 Bxb5 22. axb5 Qf7 23. Rxa7 Rf8

Black can safely ignore any Queenside threat. The game is won, and the White Rook can gorge on Queenside pawns, all to no avail.

24. b6 Rf3+ 25. Kg2 Rf2+ 26. Kg1 Qf4 27. Rxe2+ Kh6

Yet more empty threats.

28. Rxh7 Kxh7 29. Qh5+ gxh5

This particular chess engine does not appear to have a 'resign' function, and will thus play whichever move it calculates as the strongest. Hence in such a hopeless position, the powerless White army is cast like a kamikazi against Black's King.

30. Rxb7 Kh6 31. Rh7+ Kxh7 32. b4 Qh2#